you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
