It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
