So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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