you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So many bounce houses so little time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
