she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
