Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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