Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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