Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
