My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
