I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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