The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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