i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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