So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
