WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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