I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
