Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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