my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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