At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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