I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
