Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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