I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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