Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
