I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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