It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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