just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
