Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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