Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
