We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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