Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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