i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
