All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
