I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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