I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
