You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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