I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
