So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
