I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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