It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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