would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
