I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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