thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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