I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
