Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
