'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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