you traded sex for a burrito?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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