Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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