people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
