my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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