True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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