never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
