What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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