There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want nice things and good sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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