so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
