My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
